IF YOU DRIVE IN INDIA - PART I

This article has my tweets on the thread #ifudriveinindia. Comedy and humour apart, more people die of road accidents in India than in any other country in the world. It is because of our peculiar driving habits. One of the old Hindi movies had this song: “Zindagi ik safar hai suhana, yahan kal kya ho kisne jana?” (Life is a pleasant journey; but, no one knows what will happen tomorrow). Well, whilst driving in India you have no idea of what will happen the next moment. Read on; these tweets may be of some use to foreigners desirous of driving in India or even Indians not yet totally initiated.

If you drive in India:

• You should remember that Indians neither keep to the left nor to the right but keep to wherever they feel they have least resistance.

• Remember that honking is not just for emergency; it signifies, e.g., that car behind you is in hurry whilst you stop for the red light.

• And the vehicle ahead gives right or left indicator, it doesn't mean he wants to turn left or right. He may be just testing the situation.

• You can only survive by being as consistently chaotic as the others; everyone expects you to do wrong!

• Remember that at traffic lights the vehicle at the end of the lane will try to be the first to cross the lights.

• Please get a piercing toned horn fitted; you would require it more than any other instrument, e.g., brake, indicators, and wipers.

• Remember a stopped vehicle on roadside is dangerous; it would suddenly start and come in the way when you are about to cross.

• You can be a menace to others around you by following traffic rules since no one else does!

• You should always inform your next-of- kin because chances of survival are the same as being in the way of stampede by mad bulls.

• And a traffic cop stops you, be prepared to shell out a few hundred bucks because all traffic cops in India demand bribe.

• In the cities, remember that at traffic lights and toll plazas all vehicles would be jumping lanes to be ahead of the next vehicle.

• You should know that people are always crossing the roads including highways and traffic doesn't have exclusive right of the way.

• And stop at a red traffic light, you should know that not everyone would stop. In the absence of a cop many would just go.

• You should know that a person, cow, auto-rickshaw, dog, push cart, beggar, vendor etc can come in front of your car any time.

• Road maps are of little use because names of roads and streets often change in honour of political leaders.

• Remember that a vehicle being overtaken will start overtaking another just at that moment and you will be embarrassed or land up in dangerous state.

• Remember that if sometimes you actually find road signs these may not tell you the right direction.

• Remember that authorities feel that hoardings are more important than road signs.

• And have to go anywhere be prepared to ask hundreds for directions since Indians don't believe in road signs.

• And meet with an accident, pray that you land up in hospital with minor injuries before the other party can break your bones.

• You will never be the same person at the end of your journey.