THE GREAT INDIAN JUDICIAL CIRCUS

So, someone has done something wrong to you (like having encroached on your land or swindled you in a deal) and you want to seek justice through the great Indian judicial system? Think again; it might just be alright to make peace with your misfortune straightway than to wait for nearly three decades, go through indignity, utter misery, frustration, and despondence and then make peace with your original misfortune plus the misfortune of having gone through the Indian judicial system. The choice is entirely yours.

First of all the Indian judicial system is like any other system; that is, at the operative level there is no system at all. Its aim does not appear to be to get any justice; but, to keep the litigants in a perpetual state of litigation. In such a scenario the only component of the judicial system that gains is the Lawyer. The lawyer or the Vakeel is thus the pivot of the Indian system of justice. He or she is in great demand in the wedding market since within no time he, through his sincere efforts to prolong the misery of the litigants, earns enough money to buy all the things that the Indian upper class aspires: car, house, plots of land as investment, and other trappings of affluence.


Indian lawyer: the first to chuck stones for his own cause (pic courtesy: deccanchronicle.com)

The litmus test of the Indian judicial system's failure is the oft repeated threat between the litigants: "If you don't behave, I shall take you to the court." Whilst, on paper, the Indian law stipulates that a person is innocent until proved guilty beyond reasonable doubt, in effect, as soon as your case is filed in any of the Indian courts, your punishment starts. Do you remember Mr. Bumble in Dickens's Oliver Twist telling us that the law is an ass? What he meant was that the English law was stupid and very stubborn. I wonder what Mr. Bumble would have said after seeing Indian law in action: stubborn, stupid, archaic, chaotic, and suited to disgrace both the complainant and the defendant. Perhaps such an animal doesn't exist but Indians are known to be beyond impossibility.

If your impression of the atmosphere in and around an Indian courtroom is based on Perry Mason novels or scenes in a Hindi movie, you are in for a shock when you go to an Indian court at the basic level. Even after the computers have been introduced, you would find disinterested court writers sitting everywhere like monkeys on a tree charging exorbitant sums for writing anything for you from an affidavit to a power of attorney. Most of them type with a finger each of the two hands. The reason why these johnnies earn their money is because the legalese in Indian court is kept as difficult as possible. It would remind you of a train arriving at the Chennai Harbour Terminus and stopping a hundred metres away so that people alighting would be forced to use the coolies. Fifteen minutes later, the train then goes right up to the concourse. Similarly, the great Indian judicial system makes it as inconvenient for you as possible until you learn through a painful experience that you could write the whole thing yourself and in better grammar than the court writers.

Indian lawyer is a hungry wolf. He has come far from the ideals of India's most eminent barrister Mahatma Gandhi who left his office of profit to fight for India's downtrodden. Nowadays, more often than not the Indian lawyer is hand in gloves with the lawyer of the other litigant so that both can usurp as much money as possible from both the parties. A friend of mine had a tenancy dispute in his house in Chandigarh. After years of paying fees and time dissipated one day he overheard his lawyer telling the wrongful tenant's lawyer, "I think with a little bit of luck you can take the first floor of the house and I can take the ground floor."


Eminent Indian Lawyer Mahatma Gandhi; how far has the present Indian lawyer come from his ideals?

Indian lawyers often tell the litigants, especially if they have spent life in a disciplined service like one of the armed forces, that they have no knowledge of the "intricacies" of the Indian legal system. One of the "intricacies" that the litigants learn about is that anything that sounds logical and reasonable is likely to be overruled. Very often, the litigants prepare the entire case, evidence, arguments etc themselves whilst the lawyers collect the fees.

Almost everything that you have to present in the court has to be typed on a stamp paper. This is the means by which the state is supposed to earn its revenue, say, from land deals. There is money for everyone here. It is only once in a while that a Rupees twenty thousand crores scam of counterfeit stamp papers involving one Abdul Karim Telgi is unearthed but, at the smaller level, hoodwinking people through stamp papers is an accepted practice. It is reputed that everyday more than Ten Thousand Crores are added to Indian black-money through under priced land and other deals. Who provides all these shortcuts to the people? The vakeel, who else? But, he/she never gives any shortcuts to his/her fees.

Whilst on the subject of land deals, let me tell you that if you steal some one's money or other assets you can be jailed. However, in India if you steal some one's land, you have the total freedom to use it for the next two decades or so until the court decides if it has actually been encroached upon or not. The Indian land-revenue record system, the ass that it is, actually encourages such a situation. Despite the urgent need to computerise land revenue records so as to do away with ambiguities, the land-revenue officials: the Patwari, the Tehsildar, the Kanungo, and the District Revenue Officer (DRO) get great powers and mischief value by keeping these records as flexible as possible. In my home state Himachal until very recently the records were kept on a latha (a thick white cloth) and the exact measurements on the latha to be compared with the scale would be subject to many interpretations.

A 'demarcation' in progress

The loopholes in the Indian legal system are the the bread and butter of the Indian lawyers; the more well versed one is in exploiting these to his client's advantage, the better is his reputation as a successful lawyer. Thus, most of these "successful" lawyers get rid of the unwanted baggage of their scruples and ethics at a very early stage in their career.

That the Indian judicial system does not provide any hope to the law-abiding citizen totally escapes the attention of the law makers, judges, lawyers; indeed all those connected with the Great Indian Judicial System. As it is Indian cities now rank amongst the worst in the world in terms of quality of life. We certainly rank extremely low in our tortoise like judicial system. After a successful sting operation by Tehelaka, for example, it took a decade for BJP President Mr Bangaru Laxman to be convicted of bribery; and this when he was shot on camera taking bribe. The other day, in my hometown Kandaghat in Himachal Pradesh I went to see my lawyer and saw a folder with the title in Urdu. This was the prevalent language in this part of the world before Hiamchal became a state on 25th Jan 1971. At my query the lawyer admitted that indeed the land dispute case of his father's client was taken over by him and had now become much complicated since both the litigant's lands had been divided amongst the children, their spouses and grand-children. However, the lawyer assured me, as he must have done to his client, that "soon" there would be a decree in his favour. This, indeed, is the abiding faith of all concerned in the great Indian judicial circus: no matter how undignified it is now for you, no matter how many years of your precious life you have wasted fighting a meaningless case, no matter how much more you have lost than the original cost of your land; the future is still bright.

At one time the Indian judges were considered to be paragons of virtue and ethics. Nowadays, they too fall prey to the lure of quick money. Almost every third day in the papers one can read about some judge or the other facing Inquiry for illegal gratification and for usurping money. Therefore, whilst earlier despite all the delays the quality of Indian justice was somewhat lauded, nowadays, it is as suspect as the quality of any other Indian system.

One of the worst things that can happen to you is if you don't reside in your hometown but your work has taken you thousands of kilometres away. In such a case, all that the other party has to do to bring you to your heels is to file a private criminal complaint against you. You will now be required to spend lakhs of rupees defending yourself. It would take years and years and finally even if you win the battle you have lost precious years of your life which no one can repay you.

Indian legal system is not just an ass; it is a complete circus of asinine animals.

HAPPY SIXTIETH BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND

Anyone who has seen the Hindi movie ‘Sholay’ would be familiar with the kind of enduring friendship that existed between Veeru and Jai. Of particular interest was the song, on the stolen mobike with a side-car, with the words, “Ye dosti hum nahin todenge; todenge dum magar tera saath na chhodenge" (This friendship, we shall never break; even after death do us apart, we shall still be together). People often feel that movies are just projections on the silver-screen and one can, in real life, rarely come across such far-fetched scenarios. Well, to an extent people are right; Jaya (My friend Amarjeet Bajwa's wife) didn’t have to dance in front of dacoits to keep Amar alive, nor did Lyn (my wife) have to wear a white saree. However, many of the other things happened between Amar and me….really. We swore by our dosti and we still do. As far as the mobike is concerned, it wasn’t a stolen one; it was Amar’s own and I wish we had preserved it in remembrance of all the fun we had over it….and in one particular case, with one of us over it and the other having fallen off somewhere in the wilderness.

I owe my life to Amar…well, almost. After a strenuous game of squash racquets (in which he’d invariably beat me) I developed severe chest pain and was to be rushed to the No. 6 Air Force Hospital in Coimbatore (South India) where both of us were posted in Navy's Leadership School named Agrani. A few days ago a sailor undergoing the Leadership CVourse had died of undetected Ischemic Heart Disease (ISD) and hence Flight Lieutenant Malse – the doctor on duty – didn’t want to take chances. I was promptly labeled a case of IHD and after the customary ECG etc, the doctor counseled me about stress-control (both physical and mental). Amar came to see me in the hospital with his usual ebullience. The seriousness of what the doctor had told me completely escaped his attention. He had bought a second-hand Standard car with a Citroen body. What better way to test the car than to take his best pal for a ride? As we took off from the hospital Amar explained to me that the car had taken part in some Malyalam movie. On the way back, I learnt that in addition to its uniqueness for having acted in the Mallu flick, it was one of the first cars equipped with “dual propulsion”; for, when the car engine and the passengers’ hearts would miss several beats, it had to be pushed until the engine would start again. So, there I was, a declared patient of IHD, with doctor’s instructions about tension, stress and the like fresh in my mind, pushing Bajwa’s car until the secondary way of propulsion, that is, one with the running engine would be restored. The doctor had planned some painful, expensive and time-consuming tests to confirm his diagnosis. But, Amar by a simple experiment conclusively proved that if I could push his Citroen in the middle of the night, I couldn’t be suffering from any Heart-Disease. Finally, after one year's of medical tests, Amar was proved right.

Bajwa had cure for most – if not all – of my problems; none of those fancy cures but highly effective and instantaneous ones; something like, “Have a headache? Well, hit yourself hard with a hammer on your toe and poof, the headache is gone”. We were sitting together in the Oberoi Sheraton at Bombay past midnight, just a few hours before Lyn was to join me after our secret marriage. I was going over all the things that I had collected for her: a fridge, gas, cutlery, plates etc. Suddenly I remembered and said aloud that I hadn’t got sugar even to make the first cup of tea with my newly wedded wife. Bajwa, with great fanfare took the sugar bowl from the table at the hotel and emptied the entire thing in my kerchief and for effect took out the rose from the vase and gave it to me to present to Lyn. Indeed, a few hours later, when we received Lyn at Bombay VT, I held on to the single rose as the most precious possession of my life. I never promised Lyn a rose garden after marriage but thanks to Bajwa she was received with a rose.

Today, at the stroke of midnight, Amar turned sixty. We had never dreamt that we’d reach that age. On that night, when we did our own version of “Ye Dosti” on Bajwa’s mobike on the Marine Drive with both of us as pissed as Veeru was atop the water tank in Sholay, with speeds well past the sound barrier (well, it was correct; because we couldn’t have heard each other and we didn’t hear at all the traffic cop’s whistle), just one small obstruction on the Marine Drive would have finished our lives some thirty years back.

Hence, the very first thing that I have to tell Amar today is: Dost, my best pal, we are lucky to have survived so long. In your case, it is sheer goodwill that you generate around you that doesn’t let you be anything but the life of the party. Do you remember when we climbed the temple hill at Maddukkarai from the tortuous and dangerous rocky side? One small slip and we would never have dreamt to be sixty. Also, do you remember how we went to Ooty etc by the official jeep that we thought had only one useful instrument, that is, the accelerator.

Bajwa, Sir; truly for us life during those days (and even now sometimes), was a happy chance, a one act play: Hamara Drama. For those not knowing the story of this play, I'd take a few minutes to explain that we wrote a play on the making of a play for participating in the Command Dramatic Championship. The play itself more daring than most of our feats: to pull the legs of all in authority and get away with it; most of them sitting in the audience. Other than a few characters who momentarily came on the stage, this full-length play had only Bajwa and me as the actors. We walked away with the Best Play award; with me getting the Best Actor award. As soon as we finished getting the awards we drove from Cochin to Coimbatore on Bajwa's mobike and celebrated till wee hours of the morning with countless bottles of beer. And then, after we were seeing a dozen of each other, we went for another "ye dosti" drives. This is when I fell off the bike and Bajwa kept relating his jokes to me rejoicing in not having me interrupt him to tell a better one. After nearly three hours we found each other again.

Anyone reading it so far would think that Amar and me were the most agreeable of the friends. Little would they know that the trick in keeping the lamp of friendship alive was to force a collective decision before the other could say “No”. However, after drinks, the mask of such geniality was invariably off and we were conscious of the fact that we have to make the other see reason, such as the way perceived by us. This invariably led to no holds barred fights between us and everyone would conclude that Bajwa and I had fallen apart like Humpty Dumpty. However, “ye dosti” sentiment would trouble us in the night to the extent that in the wee hours of the morning one or the other would tip-toe to the other’s room to check if all was well. There were occasions when we made up and went searching for dinner at about two in the morning.

Amar, Sir; you would always have the lead by a simple historical fact; that is, you were born two years before me; and hence you have beaten me to reaching sixty before me; and like I did in squash-racquets after having been beaten by you, I hold no grudge. I rejoice in your reaching the age of the metal: silver in your hair, gold in your teeth, iron in your diet and lead in your----you know where. What do I wish for you for having accomplished this grand feat? Well, the most precious thing that I can wish for you is: Stay the way you are. Many can claim love, liking, respect, friendship, other relationship with you: but, I know and you know: ‘Todenge dum magar, tera saath na chhodenge”.

God bless you for having been the most intense influence of my life. At every age of yours you have been unique. However, Sixty is the age to be…all others before this were just plain matters of dates on calendar; now is when the fun starts: no one can blame a senior citizen of having a heart as young as a teenager that you have always maintained, and hence, you can get away with everything.

And….if you disagree with me for some of the lurid details above, I can always guess that you already had your drink!

Amar turns sixty today
The starting speed of his bike,
We have all gathered to wish him well,
Friends and relatives alike.

Happy Sixtieth, my friend,
Here’s wishing you all the best,
Lets just have fun, the way we did,
Without worrying about the rest.

Lets say a little thanksgiving pal,
To God who kept us alive;
Though we tried our best to reach Him,
When we went on our nocturnal drive.

May God always preserve your smile,
That has won many a heart.
And should you feel the pangs of age,
Let me tell you: it is just the start.

THE LURE OF GOING ON A LIMB

Yesterday was a sad day indeed; Shailendra Singh Bisht, a 26 years old mountaineer crashed to death whilst rappelling down the 14 storey Great Adventure Mall, which had just been inaugurated in Greater NOIDA by the union minister Subodh Kant Sahay. Shailendra was a professional stuntsman who had performed this feat several times. Little did he know, however, that the rappelling rope was almost 100 feet short of reaching the ground. At the speed at which he had rappelled, he would have reached the end very fast.

A few weeks ago, during an adventure camp at Zenith Falls near Khapoli, Maharashtra, when I saw my younger friends rappelling down a difficult rocky hill, I too got the urge to do the same. Here I was, a 58 years old retired Navy officer, as far removed from hills and rappelling as you can get, unable to suppress the impulse to do those things that the trio in the film Zindagi Nahin Milegi Dobara (You Can't Get Your Life Again) had the urge to do; literally dying (as the slang goes) to stay alive.

Sunbyanyname in his own Zindagi Nahin Milegi Dobara

There are men and women who do sky diving, suspended in the air as birds, opening their parachutes at the last minute. Then there are others who do tight rope walking between high-rise buildings defying death. One slip and precious life ends. However, they have this inner compulsion to accomplish the near impossible.

On 21st of January this year, Laura Dekker, a sixteen year old Dutch/German/New Zealander became the youngest person to circumnavigate the globe single-handed. At that age she had the greater part of her life ahead of her. She started in Aug 2010, a year after she had planned, when a Dutch Child Care Council stopped her departure on grounds of shared parental custody between her about-to-be-divorced parents. Dekker later commented about the authorities in an interview, saying "They thought it was dangerous. Well, everywhere is dangerous. They don't sail and they don't know what boats are, and they are scared of them." As soon as I read the news, the first thing that occurred to me was the mental set-up of someone as young as her, braving seas, known and unknown dangers alone, all alone for more than a year. If something was to happen to her, she would have died a solitary and lonely death and probably even her dead body won't have been found. And yet, after she has accomplished what she set out to do, she would have removed a number of words from her dictionary: Fear, Impossible, Small, and Underage.

Laura Dekker the youngest person to circumnavigate the globe (pic courtesy: in2eastafrica.net)

So, what makes men and women to go out on a limb? It can't be fame and glory since there are much easier and less dangerous methods of obtaining these. One possible clue is given by a mountaineer who was asked why did he climb mountains. His reply was, "Because they are there". Something within a person beckons him or her to go beyond the limits of human endurance and capabilities...beyond the rainbow; when you are face to face with only your Maker or yourself. Do you remember what Ian Fleming the author of James Bond books said? He had a book by that name: "You Only Live Twice: once when you are born and once when you look death in the face".

Men and women would do anything to live and soar, even die doing it. When I was in my teens Richard Bach wrote his novella titled 'Jonathan Livingstone Seagull'. The story is about the gull called Jonathan Livingstone who is bored by routine existence and wants to push his own capability to fly beyond what the seagulls can do. Because he wants to try something different, he is expelled from the flock. However, he persists and one day achieves perfection. "You've got to understand that a seagull is an unlimited idea of freedom, an image of the Great Gull." He realizes that you have to be true to yourself: "You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way." The idea of Richard Bach's novella fascinated everyone immensely. Neil Diamond brought out a complete album of songs named Jonathan Livingstone Seagull with such songs as: Be, Flight of the Gull, Lonely Looking Sky, The Odyssey, and Dear Father. Here is Neil Diamond's 'Be' for you:

Well, ladies and gentlemen, there may be other good reasons for men and women to go out on a limb. But, I have given you what I believe to be the best reason to do so.

INDIAN ARMY BEFORE AND AFTER OPERATION VIJAY

Vijay means Victory, the sacred adage of the Indian Army. In the history of the Indian Army, there have been three campaigns called Operation Vijay. In the first two, the Indian Army tasted total triumph with its head held high. The first one was the liberation of Goa in 1961 and the second one was Kargil War in 1999. Why is this that the Indian Army, at least those men that can still think straight and independent without recourse to undying sycophancy, has to be apologetic about the still-in-progress Operation Vijay (Kumar Singh)? To answer this question objectively, let me relate a personal experience.

Op Vijay 1961 - Liberation of Goa

In 1996, on promotion to the rank of Captain in the Indian Navy, I was selected to undergo the 25th Higher Command Course with the Army. The next Army Chief, or Army Chief designate, General Bikram Singh, was my course mate in the AHCC. During our first operational tour, we visited the Northern Sector. General KV Krishna Rao (Retd) was the Governor of Jammu & Kashmir. On the first evening of our visit to Srinagar we were invited to At-Home with His Excellency, the Governor. In the entire AHCC, there were just two Indian Navy officers. As soon as the Governor spotted me, he jokingly commented, "It appears to me that the Indian Navy has a strange way to elect a Chief". The remark was a dig at the quaint way in which Admiral Vishnu Bhagwat's impending succession as the Naval Chief on First of October 1996 had started a bush-fire of polemics. As Flag Officer Commanding-in-Chief of the Western Naval Command, from which post Admiral Bhagwat took over as the Chief, he was at the helm of controversies. Earlier, as Chief of Staff of the same command, he had been accused of phone-tapping of his adversaries. Later, on 30th Dec 1998, he had the dubious distinction of having been sacked by the Government of India.

As I felt somewhat regretful about the Navy chief's succession being hotly debated in the open, little did I know that 16 years later when Bikram would be at the verge of taking over, the heat of controversies would leave the Vishnu Bhagwat episode cold in comparison.

India is not a country where the people at large are generally knowledgeable about defence matters. The dumbing down of our people caused by the relentless diatribe unleashed by the media may be a recent phenomenon; however, Indians have always liked to indulge more in rabble-rousing jingoism than proud patriotism. The attempts to bring down the armed forces to the low levels achieved by the civil administration are only matched by the arrogant ignorance about achievements of the armed forces in general and army in particular. When I visited J&K and was briefed about the incomparable way Army has conducted itself there, my belief became stronger that we have to be thankful to the Indian Army for not only peace and progress in Kashmir but also for keeping it safe as integral part of the country. Most of our countrymen are not at all au fait with the strategic sense, restraint, calm and exemplary commitment displayed by the Army under trying conditions.

How many people are aware that the Army's strategic sense in Kashmir includes giving credit to the police and civil administration for jobs that army does for the people; eg, Op Sadhbhavna (Operation Goodwill), and safe conduct of elections.

With such general ignorance and neglect of the Army, every once in a while, someone or the other brings out how the country not only does not have a monument to honour its soldiers but most of our countrymen have no idea of what the Army does, its training, operational readiness, achievements etc.

I would say that about ten percent of the people who read the papers and watch the television are aware of the glorious accomplishments of the Indian Army. Ninety percent either are ignorant or ain't impressed. For example, the Liberation of Bangladesh in the 1971 Indo-Pak War is being taught in the war colleges abroad as one of the finest examples of a most successful campaigns. However, not many are really aware what it entailed to fight a war in which even the political aims were not defined by the government. Many people have forgotten that in 1947-48, when called upon to do a duty that was suddenly thrust on it, the Army achieved the unsaid aims gloriously and that we are in a mess in Kashmir because the political leadership failed to follow up on Army's Vijay.

Op Vijay - 1999 Kargil

George Fernandez as Raksha Mantri (Defence Minister) threatened to send the babus (bureaucrats) to Siachin (at an altitude of more than 20,000 feet; where the Indian Army maintains permanent presence in arguably the most inhospitable conditions in the world) to let them have a feel of what is entailed when their babudom procrastinates decisions to be taken for procuring urgently required equipment to survive at those heights.

Volumes have been written about the ever deteriorating civil-military relationship - a relationship between one of the worst in the world and one of the best in the world. Of course, the thankless nation and national leadership would like to keep the Army as a tethered puppy ready to become a mastiff with the external enemy but otherwise ready to lick the feet of the political and bureaucratic bigwigs.

In this scenario, we have the latest Operation Vijay (Kumar Singh). There is an age old precept that bad news and publicity travels much faster than good news. So, whereas in the years of hard work, dedication, commitment and achievements of the Indian Army, very few people are really appreciative of the army (I put the figure at about 10 percent of the media - watching people), now, nearly 90 percent are aware that a Chief, for "purely personal reasons" has attempted to drag the Army into needless wrangling. No one is denying that the matters of corruption and deteriorating civil-military relations need to be tackled. But, exactly how Admiral Vishnu Bhagwat's infamous attempts to sort out these issues were an afterthought to his initial and much publicised opposition to the appointment of Vice Admiral Harnder Singh as Deputy Chief of Naval Staff; General VK Singh's belated pursuits to sort out corruption in army procurements and remedy the worsening civil-military relations, would always be seen by his abortive attempts at upsetting the carefully laid out succession plan.

Hence, the adverse offshoots of Operation Vijay (Kumar Singh) are:

• He has made the task of his successor extremely difficult as far as relationship with the government is concerned. Without any fault of General Bikram Singh, the government and the nation would be suspicious of any move by him, if at all, to set right the balance of civil-military relations; for the simple reason that everyone involved would be assessing how the General personally gains by it.
• The good that the Army did is, as it is, known only by a few. Now, with the personal greed of the General VK Singh, what the countrymen would remember of the Indian Army would be unsavoury wranglings for power, avarice, corruption and megalomaniac ambitions.
• The impression that the rot in the Army is deep rooted is strengthened by the vituperation of the camp loyal to General VK Singh against the heretics and vice-versa. In this milieu the all important issue of setting right the balance of civil-military relations has taken - and will take - a back seat. I don't know why this simple fact has not sunk in with the loyalists.
• Lastly, let us weigh the effect of this, and such controversies in the past, on the junior leadership of the army. The senior hierarchy often talks disparagingly about the 'decline in values and moral standards of those who join the army nowadays as compared to the good-ol'-days'. The junior officers and men, therefore, would be excused if now onwards they have a bias that the seniors should first set their own house in order (Read 'Leadership in the Navy - Past, Present and Future') and stop washing army's dirty linen in public. A few decades back, in the US Naval Institute Proceedings (USNIP) there was an article titled 'The Fish Rots at the Head'

I am quite sure that after General VK Singh has taken his well-deserved retirement and finished writing his bestseller memoir regarding how there were matters of national security involved in the "purely personal" issue of his date of birth, he would pause and think about the damage his continued belligerent stand has done at various levels. This would, I am afraid, continue for some time to come.

It is easier to throw a stone in the pond; it is harder to let the ripples die down suddenly.

BOND WITH THE BRAND

So Daniel Craig, as James Bond, is going to be swigging a beer in his next movie and not his trade-mark Martini. Heineken has already thought of it as the best thing that has happened to them since they started brewing the bubbly in 1873. I am reminded of the time when a corporate honcho sought an audience with the Pope and Pope was visibly disturbed and screamed "Noooooo". All that the corporate boss wanted the Pope to do was to change just one word in the prayer; instead of 'Give us this day our daily bread', he had suggested, "Give us this day our daily Kellogg's"

Whatever way you look at it, Martini suited the Licensed to Kill eminently especially with his bevy of beauties. Great many jokes, limericks and ditties came up about the cocktail of gin and vermouth that James Bond sipped whilst lounging on a beach with danger lurking not far from him. One of these is:

Martinis, my girl, are deceptive,
Have two at the most;
Three, you are under the table,
Four, you are under the host.

I think it was Noel Coward who said, "The best way to make Martini is to have gin in a glass and then wave it in the general direction of Italy." That's the reach of advertising; you find the ads everywhere asking you to do this, wear that, eat this, drive that and so on.  You are swayed a little. However, nothing sways you with the same force as when a celebrity endorses it. When Kapil Dev told us, "Palmolive da jawab nahin" (There is nothing like (shaving with) Palmolive), a vast number of men got convinced that it would not only give them a good shave but also may help them to become cricketing all-rounders amongst the best in the world.

Opinions would be divided whether a beer drinking Bond would appear as svelte as he appears nursing a glass of Martini. After all, beer is more associated with a belly than with belles; burp more than with melody. However, chances are that beer drinking may get associated with laissez faire after Bond has sipped it and about to throw the can away and sees in the can the reflection of an attacker getting ready to attack him from behind.

Other than Bond with his Martini, the world of advertisement is nostalgic about ads about smoking. How coolly the hero used to take the last puffs of a cigarette, stub it out with his white shoes and then only turn to the pack of ruffians waiting to be thrammed by him. Ah, the promise of Marlboro country where men would be men and horses would be horses. Or the guy who would effortlessly win a sailing regatta and the first thing that he would do after that would be to puff at his Scissors, with his sexy dame on his side, and the voice over would say, "For men of action - satisfaction."

Cold drinks or soft-drinks are the hot - nay, cold favourites of the ad-makers; nothing has changed from the time a young Rekha sensuously sipped on her Gold Spot and suggestively crooned, "Taazgi ka maza lijiye, pyaas apni bujha lijiye." (Enjoy the taste of freshness; quench your thirst); and, all of us watching the a mango juice drop, in slow motion, seductively falling on Katrina Kaif's lips. "What good luck has a drop of yellow juice, as compared to us, who only watch those succulent lips from a distance", thousands of men bemoaned .

Ads on detergents too have been the kind that do everything except deter gents; ladies' views are reserved on this since they are often shown to be using the soaps for bringing back the whiteness in the clothes, whilst wiping the sweat on their brows. One can think of Surf Excel, or a numbered detergent like 501, but the ad campaign that took India by storm was, without doubt, that of Nirma Washing Powder. It became iconic and decisively showed what ads can do to the popularity and hence, sales of products:

Other than sensuousness, and coolness, humour in ads has been a great sell. The funnier the ad, the more people see it and like it. I remember the time when Coca Cola was selected as "Official sponsor" of the Cricket ODI World Cup, Pepsi came up with a highly successful, imaginative and comical ad, "Nothing 'official' about it."

So, now that Bond has to 'Officially' drink beer, perhaps the day is not far, when Bond, like our own action hero Akshay Kumar, will do anything to 'Taste the Thunder'. Bye bye, Martini.

HATS OFF TO GENERAL VK SINGH

Army Chief General VK Singh, if his supporters are to be believed, achieved the following by his Trishul of Date of Birth assertion, Allegation of 14 Crore Bribe, and Letter to PM regarding Poor Preparedness of Army:

1. He has increased the prestige of the Army and armed forces.

2. He has become a respected and respectable person in public eyes.

3. He has brought increased focus on the ever present corruption in defence procurement deals.

4. He has covered himself in glory by his own honesty, and accountability towards the state of affairs of the Army that he controls (The more mud-slinging you do about your own service, the more the country is convinced you are the right person to command it).

5. He is like a lotus in the filth of senior officers before and after him.

Pic courtesy: blogs.outlookindia.com

6. Now when any fauji visits the bureaucracy and district administration (say on leave), they would stand and salute him for being member of the same armed forces as have produced role models like Gen VK Singh.

7. The country has emerged stronger because of him.

8. There was no other method left for him to expose all the corruption and deficiencies except through assertions about his date of birth, which he himself said was a purely personal matter.

9. People who oppose him are either corrupt or don't have country's best interests in their minds or know nothing about nothing.

10. He averted a situation like that existed before the 1962 Indo-China war simply by asserting his date of birth.

Anyone feels differently? Well don't. Please consider that when you become a Chief there are hardly any options available to you to expose corruption, inefficiency etc except through a "personal issue" of date of birth.

And thank God, he had two dates of birth. A person with just one date of birth would be hard-pressed to start public debates about these extremely important issues of national security.

What changes do we expect due to the relentless campaign by Gen VK Singh to battle evil forces through the controversy regarding his date of birth? Here is a short list:

1. From now onwards, MoD has to carefully scrutinise the dates of birth of all army officers of the rank of Colonel and above.

2. When your dossier is called for by the Ministry to check your date of birth, you can start patting yourself on the back for having credible chance of becoming the Chief in future.

3. All new homeland security equipment including spy cameras and hidden machines should then onwards be utilised to record all conversations with shady officers, that is, all those other than you.

4. Anywhere and everywhere you go, you have to carry the proof of your date of birth with you; particularly when dealing with babus and netas.

5. When anyone says that it is a "purely personal matter", we should know that he wants to "awaken the conscience of the nation".

LORD KRISHNA BECKONED - WE VISITED DWARKA

First about the title of this post. I have come to believe, through actual experiences, that whilst we are reputed to have 'Free Will', there are things beyond our control. One of these is visits to holy places; I believe that we are called or invited by God to visit them at times selected by Him. Let me relate an incident. I was second-in-command of India's aircraft carrier Viraat in the year 1994-95. One of my sailors went on a pilgrimage to Vaishno Devi's Shrine. On his return he brought Prashad (blessings of the gods) for me and an amulet. He said he had prayed for my promotion. He said I must visit Vaishno Devi for thanksgiving once I got promoted. I was duly promoted. I kept thinking about the thanksgiving though and knew it in my heart that this was one promise I won't be able to fulfill. In the same year I was afflicted by a terrible skin-disease called Psoriasis and I was amongst the five percent people who get Psoriatic Arthropathy (a painful arthritis).

I got selected for the Higher Command course with the Army (at the College of Combat at Mhow in Madhya Pradesh; it has since been renamed the Army War College). The course revolved around visiting the length and breadth of the country in four major tours, understanding terrains, threat scenarios, formations etc and on return to wargame those scenarios. Our first tour was to the Army's Northern Command, headquartered at Nagrota (near Jammu). We started our tour from Amritsar in Punjab. In addition to the professional visits, we visited the Golden Temple, the holiest Sikh temple, built by the fourth Sikh Guru Ram Das and completed by the fifth Guru Arjan Dev in 1604. Lo and behold, after we landed up at Nagrota, a visit to Vaishno Devi Shrine was organised for us. One has to trek about 12 kms or so from the Base Station Katra and I did it with my arthritic body. My course mates suggested I take a ride on a mule but I noticed my pains had vanished and there was renewed energy in me to climb up the hill. I had tears in my eyes when our group on the way up was greeted several times with the familiar singing by the other groups, "Chalo bulaava aaya hai, mata ne bulaaya hai" (Lets go and visit her, Maa Vaishno Devi has beckoned us).

And now about the Visit to Dwarka. The last when I visited Dwarka was in the year 1993 when the missile vessel that I commanded entered the port of Okha in Gujarat. After I retired from the Navy on 28th Feb 10, I could never even imagine going back there, much less to take my wife there. But, God, as I wrote above, beckons you in ways that appear strange to you. I joined India's largest corporate Reliance Industries as a Senior Vice President looking after security. RIL's Jamnagar refinery is the largest in the world served by RIL's own port with a throughput of 115 million metric tonnes. Lo and behold, as with visit to Vaishno Devi's Shrine, Lyn (short for Marilyn), found ourselves in the company's flight to Jamnagar and Dwarka happens to be in Jamnagar district.

This time when we visited we saw vessels in Okha similar to the one that I commanded together with the ubiquitous fishing boats proudly flying the Indian national flag.

The last time I visited Bet Dwarka the Navy had provided a fast boat to go to the Bet (a kind of small island). But, this time my wife and I went by a civil boat. We felt thrilled to be part of dozens of others similarly beckoned:

What a history Dwarka has. It is one of the seven holiest cities of India. The priest Kapil Bhai informed us that its history dates back to five thousand years ago. Krishan ji, after he killed the rakshas (demon) Kansa, who ruled the city of Mathura, made Ugrasen the king. Kansa, as we have read the story a number of times, was Krishan ji's mama (maternal uncle). Ugrasen was Kansa's father. However, the king of Magadha, Jarasandha, who was Kansa's father-in-law was unhappy with Krishan ji's decision to handover the kingdom of Mathura to Kansa. He, therefore, kept attacking Mathura and every time he was defeated. Seeing what his people had to go through Krishna decided to found the city of Dwarka away from the danger of being attacked. The city was built, at the orders of Lord Krishna by Vishwakarma. Vishwakarma was visualized as the 'Ultimate Reality' as given in the Rig Veda. As his title suggests he was given the powers to create Heaven, Earth and other Celestial realms. He was the Lord of Art, Architecture and Engineering.

Dwarka was built on the sea-shore and on the banks of river Gomati. Many times the city was submerged in the sea and re-built. As one crosses to Bet Dwarka, in addition to the air and sand being replete with Krishna's eternal presence, one is reminded of India's great maritime heritage (regrettably, the British and other Westerns conveniently try to overlook that). However, Bet Dwarka has artifacts and nautical items having been found there that date back to pre-historic times.

As Lyn and I stepped ashore from the boat at Bet Dwarka and walked through narrow streets and came to the gate of the Bet Dwarka temple, we were immediately transported back in time.

Beyond this point, the camera and the cellphones had to be deposited. I remembered visiting these in 1993 when there were no such restrictions and one could freely walk in. But a lot of water has gone down the Ganges since then. On 25th Sep 02, the carnage in Akshardham temple in Gandhinagar, Gujarat has brought home the point that places of worship in India are on the hit list of terrorists, mainly from Pakistan.

Bet Dwarka has an enormous temple built for Lord Krishna and Radha. It was the residence of the Lord. This is where he met Sudama and gave him the gift (bhet) of rice. We were met by Vishal, a relation of our guide at Dwarkadheesh: Kapil bhai. Vishal's father is the head priest in Bet Dwarka temple and took us around and explained the history to us. The tradition of giving rice to Brahmins continues even to this day; Lyn and I made a token contribution. The temple, however, is under renovation but largely the porticoes of the patrani, the statues and pillars are still intact.

As we took our boat back, we observed that there is a large mosque there that's visible from the sea. It reminded us of two things: one, the co-existence of India's cultural and religious diversity; and two, that gradually there is a demographic shift in the population of Bet Dwarka; out of 5000 people there, as Vishal informed us, only about a 1000 are Muslims now.

Lets now get back to the most beautiful, the most sacred and auspicious monument to see in Dwarka. Undoubtedly, it is the Dwarkadheesh temple. Once again, photographs are only taken outside since, for security purposes, the camera and cellphones are to be deposited outside. Here are some of the pics:

 

The history of the above temple says that seven times it was submerged under the sea. The original was built by Lord Krishna's grandson King Vajra. There are two gates to the temple: the Swarg Dwar (gate to Heaven) and Moksha Dwar (the Liberation Gate). We attended the aarti (formal prayer service performed by the priests) and when the aarti lau (fire) came to us and like other eager devotees, we put our hands over it and touched our hearts, eyes and head; this simple ritual immediately transported us into another world. Despite the surging crowds to get a darshan (glimpse) of the idol Kalyan Narayan and of the other idols of Radha, Rukmani, Sudama etc, my observation is that somehow a heavenly tranquility descends on you, especially in the evening. Without being told, everyone talks in a hushed voice so as not to break the serenity.

The flag atop the temple is hoisted five times a day and is a ritual with significance. Kapil Bhai explained to us all the important details as one moves one's eyes downwards from the top.

Here are glimpses of the sea close to the temple that I took at the sunset time. I was conscious of Arjuna's account of the city of Dwarka having submerged into the sea (the account is found in Mahabharta), some four decades after Mahabharta in third century BC:

"The sea rushed into the city. It coursed through the streets of the beautiful city. The sea covered up everything in the city. I saw the beautiful buildings becoming submerged one by one. In a matter of a few moments it was all over. The sea had now become as placid as a lake. There was no trace of the city. Dwaraka was just a name; just a memory."

 

 

 

 Lets now move to the other temples and palces of historic importance in the area.

The first of these is Nageshwar Jyotirlinga. What is a Jyotirlinga? It is a huge endless pillar of light created by Lord Shiva to settle the issue of supremacy of Creation between Brahma (God of Creation) and Vishnu (God of Saving). Brahma and Vishnu travelled towards the two ends of the pillar of light called Jyotirlinga but admitted defeat when they could not find the ends. In Shiv Purana, there are 12 Jyotirlinga shrines mentioned. Nageshwar Jyotirlinga near Dwarka was the first one. Without taking you into the history of this historic and famous shrine, let me give you glimpses of what we saw:

A huge statue of Lord Shiva is in the temple premises:

 

 

A snake-charmer within the temple premises:

 The ubiquitous chhakra or a tumtum driven by Royale Enfield engine is all over in the district:

Lets now move to Gopi talao. The stories of Lord Krishna's childhood abound with youthful pranks and romance have a connection with this talao or pond. As a young boy, Krishna used to dance the raas with the Gopis (young female inhabitants) in Vrindavana. When he moved to Dwarka, the Gopis could not bear the separation and came to visit him. They united with their Krishna at the Gopi talav, 20 km north of Dwarka on the night of Sharad Purnima (full moon) and once again danced the raas with him. Legend says that, unable to part from Krishna, the Gopis offered their lives to the soil of this land and merged with their beloved. It is said that they turned into yellow clay, known as Gopi Chandan. Even today the soil of the Gopi talav is extremely smooth and yellow in color. Here are some of the pics:

 

The last place that we visited in Dwarka was the Rukmini temple. This temple stands 2 km away from Dwarka City. According to an old legend, once Lord Krishna and his wife Rukmini went to the sage Durvasha to invite him for dinner at Dwarka. He agreed on the condition that Krishna & Rukmini would have to pull his chariot instead of any animal. The couple happily obliged. While pulling the chariot, Rukmini became thirsty so Lord Krishna prodded his toe into the earth to draw a spring of the holy Ganga water. Rukmini took a sip without offering Durvasha. Annoyed by her impoliteness he cursed Rukmini that she would be separated from her beloved husband. Hence Rukmini temple is located 2 kms away. The temple has a painting describing this historic incident. Here are the pictures of our visit:

 

 

If you think it is all religiosity and faith and history and religion and nothing else, you are wrong. Inside Dwarkadheesh temple, for example, there is an inner domed Bhawan that has been constructed with funds donated by Smt. Kokilaben Ambani, wife of Reliance founder chairman Sh. Dhirubhai Ambani. It has a library and a teaching centre to teach two of the four Vedas: the Atharaveda, the Samaveda, the Rigveda and the Yajurveda. Kapil bhai took us there and we saw young would be priests being taught the vedas, in their yellow monk's clothes. No wonder Kapil Bhai himself is so knowledgeable.

In the night, our driver locked the car with key inside and we slept in the Smt. Kokilaben Guesthouse (being run purely on charitable lines) without having our phones, camera and baggage. We had planned to leave for Somnath temple near Veraval, 235 kms south, by 8 AM. By 10 AM, when our baggage etc had not fetched up, a thought crossed our minds that our planned programme was adversely affected. It is at this stage that Kapil bhai came to see us. He had his total equanimity with him when he told us, "Aate bhi usi ki ichha se hain aur jaate bhi usi ki ichha se hain" (You arrive here at a time desired by Him and you would depart at a time willed by Him).

Kapil bhai, even when we were departing, gave us the truth of life in very simple words.

I am waiting for His next summons to visit another place, temple, and shrine that He has intended for us.