KID THEM NOT

One of the biggest mistakes that parents sometimes commit is to think that their kids are not old and smart enough to know or understand. This often has some amusing fallouts. A little girl was asking her granny how did her papa arrive on earth. The granny replied that the stork brought him. Then the li'l girl wanted to know how was grandfather born. Once again granny said that the stork brought him. The third time the girl asked how did great grandfather happen to be born. For the third time the granny confirmed that the stork brought him too. A this, the li'l girl, fresh from her class at the school exclaimed,"Granny, are you trying to tell me that for the last three generations in our family there has been no natural reproduction?"

I too have had some amusing incidents with my sons: Arjun and Arun when they were kids. On one of the occasions it was a peaceful scene in the drawing room. Both were making drawings, which I had given them as assignment so that I could watch a cricket ODI on the telly. What should we draw, they had asked. So I had told them to draw a scenery with hills, trees, birds, sun, house and children playing football in front of the house. This I had reckoned would take at least 30 minutes, and I would be able to watch 7 to 8 overs. I was right; it took them about half an hour with all kinds of colour pencils. Finally both came to me to ask what I thought of their drawings. I told them their drawings were good. So far so good. However, there was potential for a sticky situation when the younger one, Arun - all of four - asked me which one was better. I insisted both were good; he insisted on knowing which one was better. Like all sensible fathers I was not going to fall for this. So I tried explaining it with a metaphor, "Arun, son, you have two legs; can you tell me which one is better?." Before even the words were out of my mouth he responded, "The right one, of course, because I can kick with it."

Then there was the time when I tried to impress upon the elder one, Arjun, the pleasure one can get by going for long walks that I used to go for. On our very first walk, we had barely walked two kilometres when Arjun told me that he was tired and could we please turn back? Ah, but naval officers have lot of tact that comes in handy under these circumstances. So, in order to keep him going I engaged him in conversation. I asked him if he knew about something called pleasure-pain? This was a tough one for him at the age of eight. He knew pleasure, he knew pain but what was pleasure-pain? So, I explained to him about long-distance runners. At the end of, say, thirty kilometres of running, when the limbs are fatigued, a substance called Endorphin secretes into the brain and they get a high; intensely pleasurable feeling whilst the limbs are aching. This, I said, was pleasure-pain. I secretly patted myself on the back for motivating him for another few kms at least. We must have gone only a few steps when Arjun stopped and said, "Guess what, pa? I am already getting the pleasure-PAIN."

Then there was the time when we had gone on a holiday to my mother's place in the hills. Arun wanted to go to the market to play video-games (he later became the video gaming champ for India in Need for Speed for seven consecutive years); but, we wanted to keep his mind of it by indefinitely postponing it. One of the surest method of doing it was to tell him, "As your uncle JP next time he calls." JP, my brother was in the US and used to call once in a fortnight. During those days calls to the US used to cost ninety rupees a minute and it was a big hole in the pocket to call frequently. That same afternoon, after lunch, Arun, all of three, picked the handset of the phone and was having animated conversation with JP. We all knew that it was only a mock conversation because he would be too small to know the ISD code and JP's number etc, let alone the procedure. After more than ten minutes of conversation suddenly he said, "Ok, JP chacha; now tell my dad to let me go for video games." I, playing along with him, took the handset from him only to realise that JP was actually on the other hand and that Arun had correctly dialed his number, apparently in the middle of night for JP.

When I was small I used to read Dennis the Menace comics. When Arjun and Arun were small I didn't have to read any comics. Here is what Arun said as he burst into the house after his playtime, "Mama, I love you..." but then he saw her face in a mudpack nad he added, "...but I also hate you."

Pleasure-pain, anyone?

MUSINGS IN A NAVY HOSPITAL

The word hospital, Wikipedia informs us, comes from the Latin hospes, signifying a stranger or foreigner, hence a guest. Another noun derived from this, hospitium came to signify hospitality, that is the relation between guest and shelterer. Hospes is thus the root for the English words host (where the p was dropped for convenience of pronunciation) hospitality, hospice, hostel and hotel.

I was recently admitted in the Navy's hospital Asvini in Mumbai because of a complicated and potentially dangerous Psoriatic (skin) condition. I record some of my musings as a stranger, foreigner or guest of the Navy.

The first thing that occurs to you in a hospital is that you are now confirmed sick. There is no fig leaf of pretension anymore. A hole in your socks is a mere accident; but, getting it darned is a sure sign of poverty. Similarly, the moment you are admitted you realise that your illness is beyond your own control and the docs have to do the darning. You are a proclaimed patient.

The second thing is that whilst earlier you could do your work simultaneously and attend to your complication, in a hospital, your complication is the only focus of attention for yourself and those around you. You don't have many options in a hospital; certainly not in Asvini whereat most cellphones don't even have a network. You are cut off, isolated, and entirely at the mercy of the staff. Fortunately the Navy has the best of the doctors and nursing officers, who are not just completely professional but devoted. Most of them you have grown up with and they are more your warm hearted friends than specialists at other hospitals who often subject you with cold-blooded detachment.

You are made to feel special and cared for in a Navy hospital much better than you would in a civil hospital. The doctors and the staff actually conduct themselves as hosts giving you the confidence that you are in safe hands. I have compared notes with even cancer patients. All of them have the confidence that nowhere they can get treatment comparable to Navy's own hospitals.

However, the same can't be said of the maintenance of the hospital infrastructure by the MES (Military Engineering Service) staff. These worthies often compete with the nation's worst in inefficiency and corruption; but, the Navy often finds that it doesn't have any choice. Curiously, with the best that the Navy offers in various aspects, eg, strategic thinking, operational efficiency, naval diplomacy, disaster relief, camaraderie and esprit de corps, it becomes helpless in inefficiently spending crores of rupees in new projects and in maintenance of existing facilities through MES. Everyone knows that it costs nearly thrice as much to get anything done by MES and that MES designs and methods are archaic, but, such is the stranglehold of MES that there is no escape.

One of the reasons it lands itself in this mess (MES?) is because of the penchant to do everything itself. For example, the same persons who are operationally engaged (and these days with ever increasing responsibilities from coastal security, anti-piracy to war, these personnel are hard pressed to even do justice to their primary responsibility) are also made responsible to oversee that works undertaken by corrupt and inefficient MES are executed properly and in accordance with laid down standards. It is the same in the naval hospital Asvini, which was inaugurated only a few years back as one of the finest in Mumbai, but, is already coming apart. The doctors, hard pressed for time with other responsibilities, are also made responsible for overseeing works (which is a highly specialised job) and are often taken for ride by the MES. Please have a look at the pictures of the ward that I was in. What a coincidence that the patient and the room were both getting darned at the same time

The last two pics are two cupboards on either side of same room. And here is the wonderful view from my window; MES has, like its civil counterpart PWD (Perpetual Works Department) has mastered the art of perpetually engaging itself in meaningless works. They often engage themselves in breaking walls and pavements and bannisters and re-building them.

Despite the proven sub-optimal track record of the MES, and naval officers and sailors constantly moaning their indifference and inefficiency, as soon as a naval officer gets promoted to a Flag Officer's rank he/she suddenly develops tremendous respect for MES. The reasons are not difficult to find. A retired C-in-C once told me that during his tenure, to his dismay, he found that "each of these officers spent an average of Rupees Five Lakhs in doing up their already well maintained houses". During our visit to one of them the lady of the house proudly took us to the bathroom and fawned over her colour choice of floor and wall tiles. The last occupant, she asserted, had such awful taste in colour.

Talking about bathroom, here is what I found in the toilet of my ward in the hospital:

For the life of me I cannot imagine as to why should Toilet Paper be specially manufactured for the Indian Navy; unless the intention is to show that the naval personnel have probably thicker skin. This is even more quaint because the Navy doesn't have uniform cloth, shoes, head gear etc "specially manufactured" for it, even though these items, as compared to toilet paper, are unique for its personnel. Some attempts have been made in the past but the corrupt procurement personnel ensured that the entire exercise was brought to a nought. I was personally responsible for obtaining 18 months Rigorous Imprisonment for one of the senior officers engaged in this.

So what exactly is the solution?

I think the main reason for being in this mess is because the Navy feels that since it is so efficient in its core areas of responsibility, it has to somehow prove that it is equally efficient in administration, maintenance, catering, house-keeping, logistics and other allied activities. It is high time that we offload these to people (even if civilians) who are good at it. By this if the Navy loses a bit of power and control, it should be acceptable.

Let me just give three examples. The Navy runs shore messes at great cost to itself (if one has to take in the overall cost of infrastructure, training and running costs). All it has to do is to outsource these activities to civilians. It may fear two things whilst doing so: one, the Flag Officers who feel obliged to lavishly entertain civilians and uniformed personnel, will not have similar options as they now have of being large hearted about such entertainement. Two, the naval tradition of great style, pomp and glory will see a come-down. I think both these are misplaced anxieties. As a corollary, a mall like Big Bazaar, for example, is able to provide more discounts than the Indian Navy Canteen Service and yet make more profit.

The second is the concept of supporting establishment to the headquarters, eg, Indian Naval Ship Angre to Headquarters Western Naval Command. Gone are the days when this establishment used to provide support for pay and clothing of sailors and general administrative support. At present it is expensive to keep it both in terms of manpower and infrastructure. However, we often are stickler to naval tradition (a euphemism for not acepting desirable change) and must keep this stone-ship alive. Most of what Angre does these days can be easily outsourced except perhaps to parade guards of honour to visiting dignitaries. But that doesn't really warrant a full fledged establishment.

The third is the Naval Transport Pool. In today's environment when cabs and particularly radio cabs are freely available, it would be much cheaper (as compared to the overall cost of owning vehicles, looking after their fuel, maintenance and most inefficient drivers and maintenance staff) than providing personnel with "naval transport". Oh, but the Navy personnel have to move in transports with stars and flags. I am sure an arrangement can be made with the transport hiring agency and they would easily oblige.

In 2009, together with the present Chief of Naval Staff I visited the Naval War College of the US for a Sea Power Symposium in which Chiefs of Navy and Coast Guard of over a hundred countries participated. I was pleasantly surprised to see that despite the Newport, Rhode Island US Naval Base being larger than most of our bases, it didn't have the equivalent of our Command Mess or for that matter an Officers Mess. All of us were accommodated in a hotel adjacent to the base. All of us were transported to and from the venue of the symposium by buses and there was no unnecessary and misplaced pomp and glory.

Indian Navy is one of the finest institutions of our nation, if not the best. It is fairly quick to assimilate changes, especially in comparison to its sister services (Indian Army and Indian Air Force). It is already making some transition into outsourcing non-critical services. For example, it is common, these days, to see officers stay in starred hotels on temporary duties rather than in the naval messes. However, it is high time that it goes whole hog and gets rid of its flab and white-elephants like the MES and support or depot establishments.

This will enable the Navy to concentrate on its core competencies and further excel at things that it is good at. My being admitted in the Navy Hospital after 17 months of retirement redeemed my faith in the excellence of Navy doctors, near angelic MNS (Military Nursing Staff), and medical assistants. But the state of my ward got me thinking about the baggage that we unnecessarily carry and must rid ourselves of now.

Lets not pride ourselves in having Toilet Paper specially manufactured for the Indian Navy.

ANNA HAZARE AND THE INDIAN DEMOCRACY

I brought it out, a few months earlier, in an article (How Proud Should We Be of Indian Republic at 62?) that despite the dream and objectives of the Indian Constitution, brought into force on 26 Jan 1950, the lot of the common Indian has not changed even 61 years later. The article was based on facts and figures (say, from UN Human Growth Index Report) rather than my perception or anyone's bias. One of the main reasons that I found responsible for it is that the Indian style of democracy is not representational at all. With the multiplicity of parties and the average percentage of voting pattern in constituencies pan India, an elected representative, on the average, represents only 10 percent of the voters. These 10 percent too do not elect the MPs/MLAs on some issues that would make the lot of the common Indian better. The major issue, in our elections, as seen from the trend of the last two decades, is primarily the denigration of the previous or other party/candidate; so much so that our politicians nowadays talk about the inevitability of anti-incumbency factor as much as, say, the chances, in the bad old days, of one's contacting cholera whilst travelling through an area hit by the cholera epidemic.

This single factor has made our elected representatives not just immune to the hopes and aspirations of our people but has also made them arrogant. Hence, even though we coined a phrase 'public servant' in the Constitution (the term used to describe a person who holds a government position either by election or by appointment), no one holding a government position has ever considered oneself a servant of the public. Both the elected and the appointed public servants have mainly been serving their own interests and those of their families. As far as the public is concerned, the main job these so called servants have ascribed to themeselves is to exploit the public either collectively or by polarising it. Sardar Patel's essay on British Policy had just three words: Divide and Rule. The modern Indian public servant did exactly the same. Elections are fought and appointments in government are made more on issues of caste and creed than on detailed programme and plans to improve the lot of the people.

Wikipedia describes governance (what governments are supposed to do) thus:

"The word governance derives from the Greek verb κυβερνάω [kubernáo] which means to steer and was used for the first time in a metaphorical sense by Plato. It then passed on to Latin and then on to many languages."

Steer towards what? A government must steer the people and the country towards a better and more secure future. However, because of the self-serving nature of the Indian democracy, our public servants have steered the country towards chaos, poverty, corruption, polarisation and inefficiency.

An Indian electorate, it can be thus argued, does not exercise a choice when he goes to vote. After an average 10 percent elect the government, they are helpless and defeated by those who were to serve them. The result is that as a nation, we are a dismal 141 in the Human Growth Index. However, the elected representative, just like the appointed representative or even more so, often gives vent to the supremacy of the parliament. Recently, if you recall, Kapil Sibal and Manmohan Singh endeavoured to display this arrogance based on the mistaken notion of such supermacy; at least until people's power, under the leadership of Anna Hazare manifested itself into a sobering effect for the government.

Team Anna has, directly or indirectly, conveyed to us that the momentum of the movement has now encompassed (or at least aimed at) much more than Jan Lokpal Bill, wherein the government and the so called civil-society differ over six points and not merely the inclusion of the PM and the judiciary in the ambit of the bill. People's expectations, as manifested in the large crowds and rallies across India, have risen to the point of hope for 1.2 billion Indians, good governance, and a responsive democracy rather than only in numbers. To that extent each one of us should welcome the movement and await its strenghtening, as opposed to its abatement that the politicians seek. I am not going to extol the good points and good fallouts of the movement. By and large, the media has done it extensively.

I am, therefore, going to concentrate on the pitfalls and other considerations of the movement vis a vis the Indian democracy. I feel that if these are not taken into consideration, we may again have our hopes and aspirations belied despite the passing of the Jan Lokpal Bill.

The first and foremost is that it even though it may not have been originally intended, it has degenerated into a we versus they movement. The government's mishandling of the response to the movement, Anna's arrest etc, made it even more so. The movement is, therefore, seen as a expression of our contempt towards the elected representatives particularly the 'corrupt' and the 'inefficient' UPA government. Whilst all this is totally justified, it has the potential to change the focus of the movement into a narrower objective of tasting victory by bringing the politicians to heel. The media has even started keeping a score sheet such as Anna - 1, Govt - 0.

The other reason why the movement must steer clear of we vs they is that people at large (and not just the politicians) must share the blame for the rot or loss of character of Indians. Indians are, by nature, opportunists. From our driving habits of being just a few feet ahead of the next vehicle by hook or by crook, to getting ahead in business, school, college, debates, contests, and indeed life by taking short-cuts has come to be seen as a national character. Of course, the politician, or the bureaucrat, or the businessman is a crook but he/she does not stand apart unlike as portrayed in the movement. He is of the same stock as we are (We Are Like That Only). We have to do many a thing ourselves whilst asking this of him/her. We too have to show equal discipline in our individual and social lives.

The second is that our middle-class, the main pillar of the movement, has become quite impatient. It is true that we have been conditioned to it. But, the catch here is that in its impatience it may very well regard some quick wins (as passing of Jan Lokpal Bill) as the ultimate solution to set right our democracy. I laboured over the current shortfalls in Indian democracy to bring home the point that, at best, the movement and the passing of Jan Lokpal Bill can be only the beginning and not an end by itself.

The third is potential for polarisation. One reason why we have been exploited by the netas, babus and the like is because we can be easily exploited. The government after failing to peter out the movement by disdain, high handedness, and by labelling Team Anna as corrupt itself, will surely stoop to polarising it on lines of religion, caste and creed. We Indians are easy prey to such tactics.

Pic Courtesy Mail Today

The fourth is the rights of the minority. The movement must not get bloated in the belief that surging crowds, mobocracy and rights of the majority are all that matters. Indeed, once of the shortcomings of our current interpretation of democracy is the contorted belief that the rule by the majority is always right. We must be able to listen to that small voice of reasoning even when we are riding high on the wave of public support. In this, it may do us good to remember that the movement is primarily that of middle class and the majority is still the poor.

Lastly, the need to strengthen democracy. Civil disobedience cannot be the dharma of the Indian people, a cure or remedy for all ailments of democracy. We have to finally make our institutions stronger and then respect them.

I, like all other members of middle class, am breathless and excited abour Anna movement. I do wish it strength. But, at the same time I pray that it would steer clear of pitfalls as enumerated above and give serious thought to the considerations of this article.

Jai Hind

SLEEP AND I - LOVERS ONCE STRANGERS NOW

Last night, with body full of Psoriatic lesions, as I tossed around in my bed, waiting for (what I thought to be) my beloved Sleep to come to me, take me in her arms, and give me the much needed relief from pain and itchiness, I found that - what has become common now - Sleep had abandoned me. Like a jilted lover I have now decided to make my affair with Sleep public so that the readers can decide what went wrong. I can't keep it under wraps anymore. Here are the two mails that were exchanged between me and her. You be the judge.

Dear Sleep,

    I am still calling you 'Dear' because of the pricelss memories of the past. You had, in the past, proved to be a reliable partner, a friend I could turn to in joys and sorrows, a beloved who gave me long hours of happiness, and many a times, ecstasy. I don't mind admitting that there were moments when I didn't want to leave the cosiness of your arms and face the world. You had given me enough evidence that you cared for me.

    I wistfully remember many memorable moments spent with you in the privacy of my bedroom when you caressed me and I reciprocated with eagerness and defiance of the world. There were times, during my boyhood, when I had to attend to a lot of things: school work, reading newspapers etc that my dad insisted on, writing mails and so on. But, such was the urgency of your demands that I capitulated to your charms. My only demand was that you would keep it private and clandestine. I didn't want the world to know that I dreamt of you in my spare time.

    But, did you keep it under wraps? No, slowly and surely, you were hell bent to let the whole world know about our love or affair. There were times when it was most embarrassing to have you around.

    I recount just a few of these whilst waiting for you to come to me tonight. Do you remember the time when the Maths teacher in the class was telling us the most interesting Algebric equation, in which the mystery of an unknown figure called 'x' was unfolding? I should have been agog, like others, for the denouement. But, no, at that precise moment you came to me. "Shh" I told you, "Go away, love; everyone can see you. It has been just three hours when I was your slave. I promise you tonight we shall be together again." But, it had no effect on you. You were determined to have me again. Looking back, I think that you were an obsessive beloved, deriving loads of happiness to see me cringe in public. Do you remember, dear Sleep, what the Maths teacher did to me in finding you with me? I denied it, but, he could see my love for you in my eyes. I was publicly rebuked.

    Now that I am at it, how can I forgot the night before the matriculation History exam. There were battles, places, dates and personalities to be remembered. You knew the urgency; didn't you? Because more often than not in the classes you had kept me from remembering the incidents of the Battles of Panipat and Quit India movement. The night before the exam was my only time to prove to the world that I cared for Indian and World History. I begged you to leave me alone. But did you do that? No, darling, once again - as always - you considered the demands of our love more important than my paying attention to Mughal Zahir ud-Din Muhammad Babu or Dadabhai Naoroji or Wilson Woodrow. The whole night you played with me and I nearly failed in the exam. You were so selfish about our love, so engrossed in it that you didn't give a damn.

    You continued demonstrating your overwhelming power over me even after I became a man. I wanted the world to take notice of the fact that I too was an intellectual, caring as much for art movies, as a lot of knowing people around me did. So, I went to see a Shyam Benegal movie; a sure shot way to be counted amongst the cerebral lot. In order to distinguish his movies from commercial ones, he had (probably no choice, but) to make the dialogues in the movie even slower than that of - many years later I discovered - Prime Minister Vajpayee's. For example:

      A: Gaanv gaye the? (Did you go to the village?)
      B (after an eternity): Gaya tha. (Yes, I went)
      A: Kya dekha? (what did you see?)
      B (after much thinking): Kuchh bhi nahin. (Nothing)
      A (looking at B hard): Kuchh bhi nahin? (Nothing?)
      B (confirming): Kuch bhi nahin.

    I am sure if I had looked around I would have seen the arty audience at the edge of their seats with the gripping dialogue. But, nay, I couldn't see any of them because long before you had claimed me. I had paid all of Rupees 40 (at that time a princely sum) to sit in the Dress Circle. Later, in order to rub shoulders with some of my learned friends I had nothing to add to the conversation about the merits of the movie. Thanks to you, dear, my money and time had been wasted.

    Even after I joined the Navy, your penchant about being seen with me in public got me into serious trouble. I remember the time when the Gunnery Instructor was telling the class about the intricacies of 40/60 Bofors (much before the company was made infamous by RG and the clan) Anti-aircraft guns, you decided to visit me. I had hell to pay. Gunnery Instructors are unlike Algebra teachers. They don't punish you by making you stand at the back of the class. Up rifle and going around the parade ground five times in heavy drill boots is for them the mildest chiding. Many of them are probably employed in places like Guantanamo; but, that's another story. And, dear Sleep, you rejoiced.

    Whenever I have essayed to point out your thoughtlessness in getting me into deep trouble you have gleefully told me that I am the only lover you have who complains. You have tried to show me down by rubbing into me about parliamentarians (in more important positions than I am in) who have slept through the complete sessions of, say, Women's Reservation Bill. Recently you have told me about a certain Qasab and his cronies coming to us in Mumbai all the way from our neighbour Pakistan and how all those involved in giving them a grand reception were closeted with you. You also told me that when trillions of our nation's public money was being siphoned off to foreign locales, how the government and those whose duty it was to stop this illegal outflow just frolicked with you.

    All this is very fine, Sleep, but why is so much time to be given to you when you are not true to anyone? Do you visit A Raja in Tihar Jail, for example? No, he probably tosses around in his bed (even the air-conditioning has been removed now) waiting for you.

    Are you a friend or a beloved only in your lovers' good-times? I would think so. They told me that awaiting your promised arrival all I have to do is to count sheep. Last night I reached the figure of 210,114 and yet you didn't come.

    What's your excuse?

                                             Yours truly,
                                             Sunbyanyname

I received the following reply in the wee hours of the morning.

Dear Sunbyanyname,

    I pity you. I pity your name. You are the kind of lover who 'uses' a beloved when you want.  The problem with you is that you always want to be in control; you always wanted me in the Master to Mistress relationship: asking me to come to you when you felt like and trying to shoo me away when you'd had your fun. So, dear Sunbyanyname, you can't have it both ways. I detest clandestine affairs. I want you to want me, love me and respect me all the time, and in front of everyone.

    You have given me a number of incidents that have embarrassed you in public. Let me tell you how many times you have let me down. In comaprison my other lovers have desired me more and kept me with them in full public view without any shame. Take for example, councillors of BMC (Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation). They did not hide their affair with me even when people were and are complaining about perpetually pot holed roads in Mumbai. There are Ministers I am in love with who were never ashamed to be with me when complete forests vanished and people encroached on public property. There is a favourite Prime Minister of mine who opted to be with me when such important decisions were to be taken and implemented as CWG, 2G and many other Gs.

    And don't give me A Raja bullshit. I am with him always. Don't believe the media who always scandalise my affairs with such important people. By the way, who do you think you are? I have had an abiding affair with President Obama too for which the results are just coming out.

    You complain now. But, to tell you the truth, I am fed up of your double standards. You want to cuddle me only in the privacy of your bedroom, as if I am some highly paid call girl. But, otherwise, you don't want to have anything to do with me publicly.

    I hate you. Many others in India and abroad are better than you. Go about tossing in the bed now. I am not coming. I too have moved on.

                                                                                                Yours fed-up-with-you,
                                                                                                Sleep 

DEMENTIA - IS IT AN INDIAN NATIONAL DISEASE?

For something to assume the status of being 'National', it has to be accepted thus by the people of the country and not merely by the authorities. For example, though Hindi speaking people and the central government, sometimes in the sixties, claimed that Hindi is the National language, states and people from the southern and eastern parts of the country (non-Hindi belt) rebelled and rioted. They claimed that Malyalam, Telugu, Tamil, Bengali etc had all the right numbers and qualifications to be declared as 'National Languages'. And so all these were included in the Indian schedule of languages.

So, other than common National Anthem (Jana Gana Mana..), National Currency (Rupee), National Bird (Peacock), National Animal (Lion), what are the other things that can be bestowed with the 'National' status?

I think 'Dementia' deserves the 'National' status; to be called an Indian National Disease or complication.

I shall give my reasons later. But, first lets look at what is Dementia. Wikipedia describes it thus:

Dementia (taken from Latin, originally meaning "madness", from de- "without" + ment, the root of mens "mind") is a serious loss of cognitive ability in a previously unimpaired person, beyond what might be expected from normal aging; the affected areas of cognition may be memory, attention, language and problem solving.

Now that we have already read the brief description, we can straightway go to Kalmadi and his ilk. Of course they have a general dementia; the moment they are elected they forget all about the people who elected them. All the promises that they gave, the Common Minimum Programme etc are quickly forgotten and they invariably start from a clean slate. What could be the reason? Do they take the Indian electorate for granted? They themselves have coined a phrase called 'Anti-Incumbency Factor'; which means that because of the excesses of being in power they hardly expect to be re-elected after their term gets over. Hence, dementia about election promises is not such a bad thing after all.

Suresh Kalmadi singing his own version of famous 'Julie' song

Smt Indira Gandhi is reputed to be the most efficient Prime Minister the country has produced. But, when her 1971 elections were declared null and void, on 12 Jun 1975, by Hon'ble Justice Jagmohanlal Sinha of Allahabad High Court, for "misuse of official machinery" during election campaigns, and she was debarred from fighting elcetions for the next six years, what did she do? She had the President, Shri Fakhruddin Ali Ahmed, invoke Article 352 of the Constitution of India, and declare a State of Emergency in the country. Many civil liberties that people enjoyed were revoked and she threw many prominent leaders of the opposition into jail. These included Shri Jai Prakash Narayan, the leader of the people's revolt against the Emergency, and two others who later became the Prime Ministers of India: Morarji Desai and Atal Behari Vajpayee. The State of Emergency was imposed on people not because we were attacked or at war (we decisively won the 1971 war against Pakistan, liberating one half of Pakistan and calling it Bangladesh); but, because a political leader was being unseated. Such is the reaction of "the most efficient PM of the country" in case she is being unseated by the power of the court of justice. She was not the only one who had scant regard for the judicial process. Most of our Netas even when convicted by the court disdainfully assert that they would rather go to "Janta ki Adalat" (People's Court). They are absolutely certain that people of India, like they themselves, have contrived severe Dementia; and they actually have, as Indira Gandhi's case would prove. Read on.

An iconic figure called Jai Prakash Narain channelised opposition against the Emergency and its excesses; she was left with no choice but to call for fresh elections. The result was already known: nearly two years after the declaration of Emergency, an opposition governement came into power on 23 Mar 1977. The people of India had given their verdict? Well, no; two years later, the same people brought down the Janata government and Smt Indira Gandhi, the erstwhile villain, was ushered in with vastly increased majority. She perpetrated the worst on the people of India in two years of Emergency; but, she, because of Indian national disease called Dementia, knew that very soon they would have loss of memory about the excesses of Emergency and re-elect her.

Our political leaders have various serious contrived complications at various stages. The first complication after they get elected is called Megalomania. They behave worse than the erstwhile feudal lords. They don't ever believe they are 'Government Servants' (as the Constitution describes them). They believe they are all powerful and start using the pronoun 'Hum' (We), which the kings used to do at one time. For example, if you remind them of a specific election promise, they would inform you, "Hum poori koshish kar rahe hain." (We Are Trying Our Level Best); and so on. In the meantime they are filling up their own coffers by hook or by crook; mostly the latter. Sooner or later they are exposed. Irrespective of whatever evidence you may have - for example a picture of them attending the Dubai bash of the biggest enemy of nation Dawood Ibrahim - they get to the next stage of Prevarication ("I have to attend so many parties; I don't even know whose and where"). Then comes Amnesia, and False Daring ("Let the law take its own course"). During the trial, there is complete Denial. But, the law actually takes its own course (especially, if by that time, they are in opposition) and finally they are convicted. Now, starts the 'Janata ki Adalat' routine. In case going to jail becomes inescabale, then chest pain (to start with) comes handy and later they are declared having a Cardiac problem. This ensures them to be treated with kid gloves; so much so that often the courts have to intervene that they are being given better ("Five Star") treatment in the jail than 99 percent of our countrymen enjoy outside.

Loss of attention span is one of the several complications of Dementia. For this you ought to see our parliamentarians discussing the defence budget of several crores. All this does not interest them. They would, on the other hand, dissipate several days of debate on insignificant issues. A minister in Indian state of Maharashtra, for example, decided that most problems of Maharashtra would be automatically sorted out in case we banned the Bar Girls or Bar Dancers. More hours of debate took place on this earth-shaking issue than the drought in several parts of the state forcing some of the farmers to commit suicide.

 

Problem solving? You know as much as me how many problems of the people we have sorted out since independence. Forgetting language? Well, you should see our Netas in the Parliament or State Assembly. The only cognitive skill that they retain is that not a single one has forgotten that our ancestors were monkeys.

Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation members have acute Dementia. Let me give just one example: Year after year the city of Mumbai, during the Monsoons, is reduced to being a rough and tough country-side. Roads often resemble craters on the moon. Every year the courts intervene bringing out the plight of people driving through pot holed roads. (Read Mumbai Rains). Every year they give their firm commitment that roads would become better and road constructors and contractors would be penalised and so on. Every year it is back to the same old story.

I can go on and on and on; making this article so long that readers not suffering from Dementia will vie with those having this disease. So in order to end, let me give you a point-form list of several symptoms in people and authorities that I have noticed:

• A few years back in a bar in Delhi a bar girl named Jessica was shot dead by a man in front of 350 people. All of them suffered from Dementia as soon as the investigations began.
• A few years back when CBI raided the residence of our Communications Minister and found suitcases full of currency notes, the Minister did not remember who and why anyone left these in his residence.
• Indira Gandhi dead was as dangerous as Indira Gandhi alive. On 31 Oct 1984, when she was assassinated by her own security guard, a pogrom of Sikhs took place in the national capital. More than 3000 innocent Sikhs were massacred. Her elder son Rajiv Gandhi, who succeeded her as the Prime Minister (dynastic rule is the most enduring policy of the Congress), justified this carnage by saying, "When a big tree falls the earth shakes". The collective Dementia thereafter not only resulted in no conviction but two incidents described how acute is this disease amongst Indians. First, the Sikhs themselves presented shropas (a scarf of honour) to those accused of directly instigating the mobs to kill the Sikhs. Two, after a number of years when a similar pogrom (this time against Muslims) took place in the state of Gujarat, the Congress completely forgot that they themselves had participated in a similar and more heinous one in the national capital.
• Many political parties, both at the Centre and at the States levels, routinely have alliance with those against whom they had started various enquiries of corruption and complicity. They forget.
• Our External Affairs Minister at the UN didn't know that he was reading the speech of Portugal until well over five minutes of the speech was read out.
• India's erstwhile PM, Atal Behari Vajpayee, couldn't remember what he was saying at the beginning of a sentence even as he came to the end. Even people listening to him often forgot what he had embarked on.
• Our countrymen have the sharpest intelligence to demand for their rights. But, suddenly, by the end of the financial year, a large percentage of them forget to file Income Tax Returns.
• Most politicians whilst evaluating their assets, which they are required to do by the law, often forget to add a few hundred crores.
• One of our airlines pilots, last year, did the country proud by sleeping through and forgot to land at Mumbai and continued undisturbed for another 500 kms to Goa.

Therefore, Indian  Health Ministry and World Health Organisation have probably got it wrong when they bring out facts about India having the larget cases in the world of Malaria and Tuberculosis. These are nothing in comparison to cases of Dementia.

Should we not do something about it, if we care and remember, that is?